The romanticism of love in Valentine’s month. An array of red roses and other bright colorful flowers. Romantic songs. A lover’s note. Chocolates and other sweetmeats. Some kisses too.

For most of us who are a sucker for happy endings, we always fall in-love with the idea of love, romance and forever.

The profound feeling of loving someone and being loved in return is intoxicating in a way that can make or unmake a person. Or even make or unmake a country.

We are also inspired by the greatest love stories of all time. Admittedly, I am enthralled with the stories of Romeo and Juliet, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, Paris and Helena, Odysseus and Penelope, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip.

But those are their love stories. Not yours or mine. And while we live in the fantasy of romance, you and me, will have a different love stories to write in each of our realities.

I commend so much those couples who can surpass their 7th year wedding anniversary. A good old friend of mine once said that “if you survive your marriage in its 7th year without killing each other, then you are good to survive the rest of your marriage years”.

Those who reach their silver or golden anniversary are quite admirable.

But beyond the romanticism of love there are also painful realities on some married couples. With varied reasons and causes, there are really marriages that will never work.

It can be extreme difference of personalities, behaviors and values that we’re discovered upon living together. Others may be financial factors, nosy in-laws and relatives, physical abuse and violence and other traumatic events that can affect the bond of marriage.

At this time and age, there are too many factors that can shatter a marriage to the point of having a dysfunctional family. And sadly, our existing laws are no longer responsive enough to the needs of the present day generation of married couples and families.

Once in a while I hear stories of a battered wife staying in the marriage for the sake of her children. Or the cases of behaviorally challenged children who grew up in a dysfunctional family. 

There is also the case of mentally and psychologically unsound husband who is too ashamed to get out of his marriage and admit that he is a battered man. 

The worst story of all is to hear a child physically abused by a stepfather and the mother have to go through the long and expensive process of getting an annulment.

What makes our situation tough is that we live in a “highly Catholic society” that still misjudge and gossips about a man or woman who has a broken marriage. The perennial hypocrisy among Christians of having a “perfect marriage”.

As far as I know, inflicting violence and abuse to anyone is an inhumane act and definitely not a Christian way.

Somehow we root for the passage of House Bill 100 or the Absolute Divorce Bill authored by Albay Representative Edcel Lagman which opens a new option for a man or woman to address their dilemma on marriage.

The House committee, in the previous week, even approved three measures to legalize divorce in the Philippines thereby consolidating house bills 100, 838 and 2263 through a technical working group before the plenary discussion.

As emphasized by Rep. Lagman, “divorce is not a monster that will destroy marriages and wreck marital relationships” but CIBAC Party-list Rep. Bro. Eddie Villanueva expressed his opposing view that the approved measure will only makes marriage “cheap” as the grounds used as bases for divorce are unfavorable for strengthening families.

So the debate of legalizing divorce in the Philippines continues. Whether it is the current house bills or not, we really expect that our lawmakers will eventually come up with a law that is pro-poor and will address troubled marriages in the country.

While we await for a “divorce law” let us bear in mind that honoring the vow of “for better or worse till death do us part” is a choice that a particular married man or a woman must make. And it needs an utmost courage to stay in or out of it.#