Navigating Change

I’ve been going through the pages of my journal the past few weeks and it’s hard not to notice how I have been more open in expressing my thoughts since I started writing again. The first few pages were practically empty with my answers from the prompt statements almost straightforward. I did not further elaborate. For the next few ones, I started to spot the difference on my writing style. Page after page, I could see it full and blocked. I figured maybe I have become more at ease at confronting my feelings and situations now than I used to. And so, articulating it on written form was easier. I’ve seen my progress. I’ve seen the change.

Then, it kept me thinking. If only change could be as simple and comforting as this, then everyone would be so embracing about it. But the truth is, change is not easy. If I look back and read through the things I have written on my journal, I don’t just see the improvement but all the things I have been through to reach a certain point. Navigating change requires more than just accepting it as part of existing but seeing through how it would affect our lives.

Losing my father was one of the biggest changes in my life recently. Changes in family dynamics took place after his passing. As an only child, they were overwhelming at first. Suddenly, I took on some important roles in running the family we were left of. We celebrated occasions- our first birthdays, Christmas, and New Year- without him. I’ve also made some U-turns with my personal plans as priorities shifted. Even the way I think about health, life and death has turned differently. Simply put, my life has changed in many profound ways.

Sometimes change could be painful. Admittedly, the past year has been hard for me to accept the change that was happening. I refused to accept it because I was afraid of it- of what it will make of me and what it will require me to give up. I grew anxious with the resistance because of the uncertainty that losing a loved one has brought me. We fear change because it’s uncomfortable and are minds are not wired for that. So, an unexpected change is difficult to confront. Simon Sinek put this exquisitely, people are not afraid of change per se- they fear sudden change, something that they weren’t prepared for. Whereas gradual or incremental change could be a little less shocking.

While change is inevitable, there are some life changes we could initiate- like deliberately changing our mindset or slowly training ourselves to new healthy habits. We do it not to forget the past but to move forward bringing in with us all the lessons of yesterday. And then there are changes that present itself as windows for growth- a change in job or promotion, being in a relationship or parenthood, traveling to places or a new life in a different country. Embracing them creates space for new experiences and breakthroughs.

We often hear people say that the only constant thing in this world is change. And it is true. Its inherent nature in our lives makes it more ambiguous because we don’t know when and how it will happen. We can always say direction is better than speed when dealing with transformation. But what we fail to realize is that the goal is not even important. The journey is. And change is a journey itself. Because whether change will go according to our plans or not, it will happen for a reason. And only time could tell why it had to happen. It will only make sense to us the moment it will dawn to us that it is an accumulation of many things- of efforts, of sacrifices, of things we could control and things we could not.