Love Language

I am perpetually in love. I mean there is not a single emotion that pumps up my adrenaline or makes me do unthinkable things than when I love. They say humans are triggered by two things: abundance or deprivation. In my case, I was born lucky since I am the youngest (that’s a no-brainer in the most doted upon category), my parents until my Daddy passed were always so into each other making me think all couples always end up together forever, and like any typical Gen X member, grew up in the world of romance thanks to Mills & Boon, Harlequin, a little of Barbara Cartland and lots of Judith Mcnaught. So it’s not extraordinary for me to shower love (though hate sometimes isn’t a foreign emotion to me either…sadly) So how does one show love? And how does one feel loved?

Well, we all have our love languages, of course. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book The Five Love Languages: A Secret to Love that Lasts, these are the manifestations that are significant in communicating love based on his marriage counseling and linguistic experience. I want to add though that this is not for partners alone but may be applied to other people in our lives who we love:

1.Words of affirmation. People who feed on this love language seek verbal encouragement, support and thrive on this kind of affection; frequent “I love yous” and all other forms of verbal expressions will leave a mark. They love hearing or receiving digital communication like texts or chat messages of love.

2.Quality Time. Spending time with your love ones is another and will be most appreciated if you are in the moment and not just being there passively. QT means engaging your love ones in lots of eye contact convos, doing activities you both love and that means letting go of gadgets while you’re at it.

3.Acts of Services. This language is valued when you go out of your way to do things for the people who matter to you. More so if it means having inconvenience at times. Taking care when a loved one is sick, doing the errands when they can’t, fighting for them in times of injustice are some acts that will make an impact. People who use this language to express their love are usually not comfortable at verbally expressing them hence preferring to show them instead.

4.Gifts. These are “visual symbols of love” said Chapman and are usually used by people who are cognizant of the effort it takes in a gift-giving process: the research/effort of finding out the recipient’s preferences, the psychological value the gift represents and the delight when it is received are some of the considerations in this category.

5.Physical touch. I think the most basic of all the love languages -kissing, cuddling, hugging, making love, etc. are strong exhibits of love. It serves as a “powerful emotional connector” for peeps who value the feeling of warmth and physical intimacy that touching brings.

As a love giver, I use numbers 1, 4 and 5 often and as a recipient I’ll respond most positively with Nos. 1, 3 and 5. The world, being what it is now- toxic, jaded, envious—could always do with more love.